I tried to do something on my own, all by myself, without saying anything to my closest friends, because in case of failure, I didn't want to see disappointment on their face.
Struggling alone, in these case, is even more difficult but I realized something.
I'd never thought of traveling alone in the past, I'd always look for someone to come with me.
I realized that the source of stress, anxiety, uneasiness, it comes from the others, especially the ones I decided to travel with in the past, without even knowing them.
I'm really profound and introspective as a person, I think A LOT, and I can't be with people who can't understand me or who are not as I am. I just need to do this thing alone, I don't know when because I'm not ready yet.
I feel like a completely failure right now, to be honest and I'm trying to hold my tears back with that weird feeling in my throat, it feels like exploding.
I don't even know why I'm writing it down.
Translating from japanese is the only thing keeping me alive. Yes, sir.